What I Want

I want to break.
I want to dissolve into a pool of tears and sink into the ground.
I want to be soaked up by the soil and pulled in by the roots of the tree of life.
Be pulled up into every branch, twig and leaf, be swayed by the wind and bathe in the sun.

Deeper

Summer sun raining down on me.
Heavy.
Dragging feet on cold concrete.
Spikes digging into my skin.
Scratching. Digging.
Pulling away with nowhere to go.
Can't run away. You'll always find me.

First breath in a drowning sea
long forgotten, ever present.
Deeper into the depth of you.
Taking over.
Filling you up til you spill your guts
in a dirty heap.
Rock after rock. No stone left unturned.
Nothing but dust, til you find that drop
that nourishes your core.
Sees you flourish, makes you grow
and break the bonds of the past.

They Stay

They come and go and yet they stay.
Always there, concealed within the dark until
the rays touch them.
Then they gleam and throw a light on the hidden,
That holds secrets.
They dance in the open. Celebrate. Blossom and disperse.
Into the tiniest corners. And stay.

Step

I have a second camera running. While still connected to my own subjective eyes I step outside of my skin and take a look through camera two. The picture is incredibly clear. There are no filters.

I wander through the dense forest at the first light of day, pushing twigs and branches out of my face. The sun shines through the treetops and the light hits my eyes. It is so bright it blinds me. I don't think this is normal and for a moment I wonder whether it is safe. But I remember: it happens. It is a rare occurrence and I feel blessed and honoured to be entering this space.

I blink. I use one hand to shield my eyes and walk on. I know with absolute certainty that everything is good. This is my path.

Between the beams of light radiates a warmth that envelopes me. I surrender and let it take over. It carries me off my feet and whirls me up high above the treetops. The breeze cools my nose. I like it.

The trees below make room for more. The clear sky splits in the middle and spits me out and back into reality, with a new awareness of possibilities ahead and a long-missed confidence back in my stride.